Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Houndstooth Caps

This guy put a little slide show together to show the frequency of houndstooth caps at a U of A game. This is kinda how I feel when I walk out on the street these days. Horrified by the over-abundance of houndstooth saturated jackets, hats, scarves, stockings, backpacks, etc. I've sequestered myself in my bunker and I'm never coming out again!! Obviously houndstooth is winning this war because people are still wearing it and people are still selling it with no regard to the small minority of us who have the anti-houndstooth condition. Look into your hearts people! Show mercy! End houndstooth now! Together we can stop this horrible crime against fashion!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Pointy Shoes Rant I

On the big site of amazing facts:

"Pointed shoes originated in France, reportedly the invention of a Count of Anjou who wished to hide his deformed hooves. To assure that the peasantry did not ape the aristocrats, the twelfth-century French king Philip Augustus decreed that the points of his subjects' souliers should be between six and twelve inches long, depending upon one's station.

But the rush toward outlandishly long shoes went on unabated. Fashionable shoes were soon so long that their toes had to be stuffed to prevent the wearer from constantly tripping over the ends. In the fourteenth century, the points of shoes grew to such monstrous lengths that some had to be fastened to the wearer's leg just below the knee.

The clergy objected vehemently to the fashion, claiming that the long-pointed shoes prevented the faithful from kneeling in church. In many communities, shoe-point length was eventually limited by law to about two inches."

Ming Jung Kim has always had a fascination with pointy shoes. She has always wanted to belong to the 'Pointy Shoes Girl' club. I want to let her know that some people see that club in a different light. In fact, most of the male friends (the ones I trust re: style, not the other ones) are dead set against the pointy toe on women's shoes. To take it one step further... they loathe it and consider it a major turn-off. I couldn't agree more.

I feel a rant coming on. I'm going to need to really contemplate this subject thoroughly so I'll be spending some time in ladies shoe stores examining shoes. More time than usual anyway. It is such a sensitive issue and I've had a multitude of violent debates with women on this subject. It seems many of them consider the point toed shoe sacred. But i have one rule of thumb. If you can stuff moss into the toes of your shoes (think of all that wasted real estate!) then the shoes belong to the dark ages. Or you are an elf.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Meisel Houndstooth

Here's a stunner. An old Meisel photograph from 1994 with everyone's favorite ladies dressed in what looks suspiciously like a houndstooth weave. Particularly on Bruni. Too overwhelmed by the sadness of it all to comment.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Careful With That Crotch!

Costume designer Suttirat Larlarb profiled in the May Vogue. She's wearing one of those Vera Wang retro jumpsuits with a zipper that extends down the crotch. Only these gentlemen profiled on Plaid Stallions could possibly dig such crotch-centric fashions. See how enthusiastic they are?! Apparently there is nothing more satisfying than being mistaken for Moon Base Alpha's Eagle 1 shuttle maintenance crew.

Structured Shoulders Part II

If RNSSNC was a girl he would wear Balmain. He is a staunch defender of the deformed shoulder look. And though I do agree with him that Balmain is not without merit my real concern is the gimmicky nature of their clothing. I found the above in the May Vogue and I just had to post it. For me it constitutes definitive proof that the Balmain shoulders are a disaster in the real world. These girls, all beautiful girls, look radically deformed.

And the tired band-leader-circus-freak jackets are so frustratingly ridiculous they detract from any of the respect I can muster for the recent line. My local community theatre couldn't even use this stuff for a rushed production of The Music Man! Sgt. Pepper called, he wants his bad taste back. And I agree Rihanna looks pretty stunning in just about anything but tell me she and her Balmain jacket aren't auditioning as a backup dancer in an 80s Michael Jackson video. Harsh. The look just doesn't work. I thought Coldplay proved that.

RNSSNC, if you really want to dress like the mistress of a Russian oligarch channelling a Vegas cocktail waitress and a lion tamer then Balmain is for you. But I personally think you'd look better in Fall 2009 Hermes RTW.

And don't get me started on Balenciaga. They've been dressing their girls to look like grandmother's sofa complete with padded shoulders for armrests.

Who loves ya baby? Peace out.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Structured Shoulders

I just have to weigh in on this particular structured shoulders trend. What looks exotic, adventurous, and maybe a bit glamorous on the runway does not always translate to the real world and this horrible Balmain fad is definite proof. Below is Jennifer Connelly trying to pull it off at the premiere for HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. Trend Tracker on actually approves of this abominable throwback. What are they thinking?! She looks like the gridiron plan for the emerald city topped off with John Alt's shoulder pads! The big downward triangle negates the girl's curves! Every conversation she will have had at the after party will have begun with people being polite and saying things like "I love your shoulders!" because they are simply unavoidable. If you need attention that badly wake up and burn an X on your head. She looks like she just stormed out of the Stargate costume trailer only half dressed in an alien ambassador's gown. And as I see it... red carpets are diminished runways. They are more like a lineup to the prom, so tread carefully.

Interesting shoes though.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Who Loves Ya, Baby

I am obsessed with Kojak who I consider to be one of the coolest cops to have ever graced prime time. He had keen fashion sense with his collection of beautiful ties and cuffs, and his encyclopedic knowledge of gritty street slang is totally worthy of worship.

For some time now I've been scouring the show for any shots of Telly Savalas in houndstooth just for an excuse to post him on the blog. Luckily he was a man of refined tastes and never touched the stuff.

Then a friend sends me this picture of Kojak in his favorite hat and tells me to... SQUINT!!!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

James Bond Houndstooth

I found this fun series of articles on Ian Fleming and James Bond's fashion styling. Bill Tanner combs through the 007 books in search of JB's sensibilities towards tailors and single-breasted suits and we see the spy often following in his author's footsteps. Was the literary Bond an "off-row" gentleman too? Unfortunately they both wore houndstooth on casual occasions which dispels most of my respect for either of them (I'm more a Savalas as Blofeld kinda' guy) and I turned my attention to this Keri Hilson, Lil Wayne video that someone forwarded. Check out the nails and the corset and the baseball cap. Is there no end to my misery!!!

Houndstooth Virus Magnified

I find it stunning how relentless and pervasive the houndstooth phenomenon is. No one is safe! It has the potential to infect every generation equally. You are as likely to see it on a toddler's beanie or a baby's pram, a teenager's Nixon wristwatch, or an elderly gentleman's cap. There is no immunization, there is no antidote, there is no reprieve!!!

It has even infiltrated the furthest reaches of sub-culture. Like this wild west cowboy shirt from Sho-N-Off

Or this pink cyber-goth mini available through Voodoo Dolly.

And even graffiti artists are all over it as we can see in Marybeth's photo document of the side of train tracks in Washington state. I wouldn't even be suprised if it appeared on the cover of the next Slayer album! It's too much! When I close my eyes at night all i see is houndstooth, houndstooth, houndstooth!!! Just like that streaming green binary code in The Matrix movies. The fabric of reality is crumbling!!! But I chose the blue pill! I chose the blue pill!!!

Be warned houndstooth lovers... paisley will have its day.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Lady Gaga Houndstooth

Lady Gaga makes houndstooth a centerpiece of her elaborately costumed live show as revealed in these photos from the Daily Mail. For choosing to wear houndstooth she should now hide that poker face... in shame!

I love how this Daily Mail report is so obsessed about the progressive wearing and tearing of her fishnets during the show. It basically provides a schedule. At 7pm Lady Gaga hits the stage. At 7:15pm a 2 inch tear on her left knee is visible. At 7:38pm a 4 inch hole occurs on her right buttock, etc. Only a creep would be taking notes like that during a show. At least when I do it I do it discretely and the black Luis Vuitton New York edition travel notebooks are neatly catalogued and stored in a large vault in the concrete foundations of my home. The notebooks are then scanned at 300dpi and the resulting OCR PDFs are stored on a Dunhill JPF8805H 8 Gig USB drive embellished with 272 black diamonds. I carefully wrap the Dunhill drive in a bruise coloured velvet cloth and place it in the mummified mouth of the Marquise of Mausoleum number 719. Somewhat to the right of Gaspar Monge's grave in Pere Lachaise is where I expect one day to return to claim my precious data.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Need for Tweed

This story is just awesome! A Jejeune Institute event and the annual San Francisco Tweed Ride all taking place on the same day!!! Pull your penny-farthing bicycle out of the shed and dust off your deerstalker caps, 'cause we's got a need for tweed!

Hahnentrittmuster ist Tot!

So a good friend sends me this terrifying houndstooth chef's hat and tie available on ebay. Looks like the album cover for some third rate German EBM band channeling Kraftwerk via Arby's. Would you like to super-size them bit-stomped aggro beats? Hell yeah!