The Great Houndstooth Conspiracy

The internet is awash in twisted thoughts on about every single thing that a human being can possibly imagine. These radical ideas can copulate to produce hideous theories and malformations such as this blog. Often in this war effort against the growing menace of houndstooth I feel like a voice in the wilderness who cries out in vain. So it is always nice to touch base with other individuals out there who have independently come to similar conclusions about the enemy pattern.

A comrade-in-arms over at thealmightyguru.com is also just as confused about the houndstooth plague and promotes a stunning new theory regarding its otherworldy origins. Behold The Great Houndstooth Conspiracy

We've seen his subversions before in a post several months back and it is good to see he is still actively chipping away a the foundations of the houndstooth empire.

My theory on houndstooth is a little bit different though. I believe that through particle collision research at CERN, just before being engulfed in a black hole of our own creation, we will discover the Higgs boson scalar elementary particle is shaped like houndstooth. As we are all stretched and shattered into a trillion tiny pieces and sucked through the gaping maw of oblivion people will have just a fraction of a second to flash the thought "Why didn't we listen to the anti-houndstooth warning!" before being redistributed in the great stew of the infinite cosmos.

Houndstooth Furnishings

I move into a new apartment this weekend so I've been busy investigating furniture and interior design ideas. It seems every store has at least one token houndstooth item. Design Hole (somehow that sounds dirty) is a handy interior design blog that happens to feature a houndstooth resource page with hints on where to find houndstooth furniture.

What I can't get over is the diversity of houndstooth items out there. Take this unfortunate houndstooth zebra rug by Jonathan Adler. More cruel than the real deal.


And this hideous lamp from Bed Bath & Beyond whose colors safely match your apartment's used wound dressings. Shudder!


Some people have commented that my distate for houndstooth hides a deep fetish for the pattern and that I will eventually fill my apartment with houndstooth related items. If so it is this sick world that drove me to it.

Dita Von Teese Houndstooth

Dita Von Teese does the full houndstooth deal circa September 2007. I've always been a bit cautious regarding her style. She's like a porcelain doll you find in a grandmother's house. Pale, artificial and somehow asexual. Even when she's stripping. It's like she's made of chalk.

Dustin Curtis Coach Bryant

A fantastic oil of Coach Bryant and his houndstooth fedora by the artist Dustin Curtis.

Kim Kardashian Houndstooth

Another celeb documented in the enemy pattern. Kim Kardashian does a houndstooth scarf. Circa September 2008.

Vivienne Westwood Anglomania Selfridges Show

Selfridges garage played host to Vivienne Westwood's Anglomania fashion show yesterday. The Dame was snapped beside a houndstooth infested Nicola Roberts.

Kristian Donaldson Houndstooth

Kristian Donaldson is an illustrator who blogs over at ProdigalNine. He's responsible for some pretty sexy comic work including stuff in DMZ and Fallen Angel. His illustration is brilliant so I'm sure he'll eventually come to terms with his houndstooth follies and reject the pattern completely. But for now we'll have to put up with it as it's splashed all over his website's banner. Have mercy Kristian!

Bugatti Bungle

There's only one thing I hate more than houndstooth. And that would be crashing my $2 million dollar bugatti in a saltwater lagoon.

And now there is video of the crash.

Dead and Buried

Those still wearing houndstooth are dead to fashion. But if you must you can still buy it at West Side Lacrosse.

Sketch of a Houndstooth Sophisticate

Cuppycakegumdrops over on Etsy put together some nice little instructions on concocting a houndstooth wardrobe. I just like her drawing of the houndstooth sophisticate. Especially the beagle which at first I thought was crying. She does profile a cute "catstooth" tie by Toybreaker though. Hundreds of tiny waving cats make up the houndstooth.

Emanuel Ungaro on Lyndsay Lohan

More sadness for this Lohan fan. Emanuel Ungaro has spoken out about her repulsive collection for the Ungaro house calling it "a disaster" and stating the company he sold in 2005 was “well on its way to losing its soul". More at thehollywoodgossip.com . Lyndsay, time to feed him some Kalteen bars!

Houndstooth Stripper

Houndstooth has even infiltrated the stripper scene! Is nothing sacred! God's best argument against the burka here wearing a houndstooth exotic mini and top from the "Hussy Store".

Pakistan Fashion Week

In what was described as a "gesture of defiance to the Taliban" the city of Karachi managed to kick off the first ever Pakistan Fashion Week which had already been rescheduled twice due to fear of fundamentalist threats. No sign of houndstooth which can only indicate a success!