Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Misfit Houndstooth

Danzig would roll over in his grave if he saw this monstrous perversion of ye old crimson ghost Misfits logo. Looks like someone with a case of a very precise and disciplined measel rash.

Houndstooth of Love

FD noticed the houndstooth on Kate Bush's album cover for THE DREAMING. She is maybe the only person who can make houndstooth look sexy and I just can't think of anything nasty to say about it. I think it's the gorgeous cuffs. Or maybe the foreground lock and chain. It's just one of my all time favorite album covers!! And it makes up for her HOUNDS OF LOVE cover which looks like an advertisement for cheap perfume shot by a pubescent Wegman.

Houndstooth Under Ass

How can anyone feel comfortable sitting in this abomination from Koolhaus. Let alone force matching it to other furniture items. This same chair has been sitting on that furniture floor for what feels like a decade. I'd rather sit in Beuys' 'fat chair'. It's marginally less revolting.


So the Pleasure Seekers and I were out for a pre-pleasure breakfast down at Deacon's Corner on Main and Alexander in Vancouver when we spotted this disaster. I'm sorry to have to do this to you girl but obviously your mother isn't giving you the parental advice you need. A houndstooth hoodie is one thing... but to further humiliate yourself with clowny colors?!?! I know that look in your eye is fear of being seen so I did my best to cover up your identity. Was pretty happy with my "Huevos Rancheros" though.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Coach Bryant Houndstooth Controversy

For the record. I am anti-houndstooth. Not anti-coach Bryant. I understand that houndstooth has its place in football lore and ritual and I find that unfortunate but fascinating. And for the record. I'm also not anti-these two SEC fans:

Houndstooth Cork Tiles

If you are looking for something different for your floor or table you can find the above over at MIO. Designer James Salm did some painstaking work coming up with inter-locking tiles for your amusement. Made from tan and chocolat cork means they are "renewable and recyclable" and can go straight in your compost the minute someone gives them to you as a gift.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Guru Has Spoken

Nice to see some brothers out there also doing the work of chipping away at fashion's scabies. That's "The Almighty Guru" telling it like it is. Mirrors my shirt's sentiments exactly. Right on!

Pink Tartan Show Provokes Quote of Day

Quote of the day comes from Nathalie Atkinson's review of Pink Tartan's (no strangers to houndstooth) show in Toronto from which the funeral chic photo above was drawn.

"simply cannot condone that any woman should ever wear large-scale black-and-white houndstooth cigarette pant (even if she is a lanky size 2 model), unless she’s stepping out of a clown car."

When will they learn Nathalie? when will they learn?

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Couture Carrie and the Albino Mime

Couture Carrie has collected a fine set of photos documenting the houndstooth plague. Great variety and attention to detail almost makes houndstooth look cool. Although the above photo which comes from Vogue Italia reminds me of an albino mime. Can't wait for this trend to burn out like a bat on the side of a space shuttle.

Michelle Obama's Houndstooth Conspiracy

The Style Insider commentary on Michelle Obama's slick fashion thinking notes her Peter Soronen houndstooth suit. A fashion choice? Or a coordinated plot to propagate houndstooth philosophies throughout the highest levels of power?! Or is it a simple case of 'power corrupts' taste? At least she chose a nice charcoal and black.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Face of Evil

Josef Fritzl, the "incest monster", stands trial with one single eye peering through a hole cut into a blue binder.

And if that weren't strange enough... what does the "face of evil" wear to court?

"the 73-year-old former engineer trembled as he held the folder pressed to his face for what seemed like a small eternity"

Good on The Independent to note the jacket.

David Dixon's Pod Head

From David Dixon's Barbie show kicking off Toronto's Fashion Week. It's ugly but I'll let it pass. If this is houndstooth it's such a blurry mess I'm not all that concerned with it. The bubble-head though... is like a massive blood blister on the tip of a dead finger.

David Jones' Houndstooth Bear

$799 Australian Dollars for this David Jones houndstooth noosed bear! It deserves to be on the fire pile with the velveteen rabbit.

And what's with all these luxury bears? At least the lagerfeld bear has the decadent air of a deviant De Sade-like psychosexual aristocrat who might cause some trouble in the toybox. It would be walking around the kids room fanning itself and calling Barbie too fat to be a model.

Houndstooth Cake

Even a planted stripper couldn't make this cake edible.

For more arrogant cakes check out the New York Wedding Guide where this sick puppy came from. I could go for a "whoopi pie" right now.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Houndstooth Fractal

Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat to the idea that one day some slick mathematician will discover the fabric of the universe is a houndstooth weave and the mandelbrot set will reveal universe after universe of pulsing houndstooth patterns!!

Houndstooth Nation

I couldn't get over the frequency of houndstooth during my visit to Seattle. It leered from every corner, every boutique, every hat, every scarf, every stocking!! It was an undulating pattern of misery that was constantly frustrating my trip and driving me to Marianas Trench like depths of despair. Stop the madness America!! Free yourselves from the epidemic of this absurd weave before it is too late!! Before we see it on your dollar bills and the white heads of your eagles. If you give in to this craze Canada will surely follow and I'll have to head further and further north to keep myself pure.

Houndstooth vs. Houndstooth

"Wit without discretion is a sword in the hand of a fool."

One houndstooth does not negate the other. Nor does it double a zero. Saw this monstrosity in the window of the Pine street Zebra Club. A store for people who like porn and grenades on their t-shirts and think Michael Jackson's Thriller was the high-water mark of western civilization. If I see any more topaz neon I think I'll puke!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Houndstooth is Dead!

I generally think Marc Ecko is a dud. I think the ridiculous Star Wars crap that he's been churning out has thoroughly discredited him of any reasonable fashion taste.

But check out what Ecko pulls off on this wicked hoodie Blake was sporting at Cha Cha in Seattle. Really cool little patchwork houndstooth and tweed skulls on the back. At least this houndstooth deconstruction proclaims the obvious. Houndstooth is dead!!

Cheap Diners and Mimes

In the mad frenzy of this hot dog eating competition at the Cambie I almost came to hate b&w checker. It reminds me of cheap diners and mimes and I can hardly tolerate it. But something inside tells me that I have to keep my rage focused so I'll just try and avoid checker patterns and mimes for the time being. At least until I have truly made up my mind about them.

Hidden Houndstooth

Shopping in Seattle. Come across nice Versace dress shirt. Hmmm. I need a new dress shirt. Maybe I'll get it. But something about this shirt is just not right.

Is it the pattern? But the pattern seems so gentle and mild.

Add some contrast and reveal the truth. That's wretched houndstooth hidden in the details! And you won't fool us with subtle gradients Donattella. I could barely use this shirt as scrap cloth for polishing my oxfords.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Shetland Houndstooth Man

Everyone who knows me personally knows that the houndstooth pattern usually sets me in a rage. But sometimes houndstooth has the power to soothe. I caught a snap of this classy gentleman enjoying a pint and a paper at the Irish Heather. The fine shetland wool jacket with a camel, olive, beige tritone is the perfect pitch for denim overalls, an army hat, and a pint 'o Guinness. This is the man one should strive to become!! At least after Jack Bauer and Yukio Mishima.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Poor Man's Paisley

Some bizarre designer with a lot of time on his hands thought this dog might appreciate a doggy tent decked out in poor man's paisley. It's designed by Common Space and Matt Penrose and it's made from biodegradable plastic. The dog is thinking: 'Thank God it won't last'.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

McQueen's Distopian Houndstooth Beefeater

Although he may have my favorite job in the world!! he doesn't always have my favorite taste. This is Alexander McQueen's prophecy for some future distopian yeoman warder (yeowoman in this case) standing guard at the gates of bad fashion. I love how these fashion royals always insist on screaming out current trends in the most obnoxious manner possible. Hello McQ! It's 2009! Get over it!!! Houndstooth was dead the moment it left the scottish lowlands. Wrapped up in that duotone barb wire Alla Kostromicheva has every reason to look pissed off.

That being said... the rest of the collection is quite interesting. In a run-down bladerunner replicant love doll kind of way.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Struggle Within

This sent in photo begs the question: Can houndstooth be forgiven under certain extreme circumstances? It's hard to focus on the pattern enough to hate it. The only salvation here is that lingerie is always at its best when coming off. Even more so when it is houndstooth!

Wall of Houndstooth

The right and wrongs of houndstooth walk side by side. Even I'll admit houndstooth has its place in a nice, tight Prince of Whales check pattern. But your friend in the houndstooth has all the class of a walking game board. Now get out of my way you are blocking the sidewalk!!

Monday, March 9, 2009

Et Tu, Bava

Houndstooth is an insidious plague that creeps into my consciousness by the stealthiest of means. Here I am enjoying the Bava classic 5 DOLLS FOR AN AUGUST MOON when a pillow sneaks out from the background and completely obliterates my joy for the film. It makes it impossibly hard to watch knowing at any point the sick pillow might actually make it to the foreground of the composition. And what do I do in this situation?! Abandon my respect for Bava's immaculate art dec?! Knowing full well he was aware of the pillow and knowing he may have even placed it there for some unfathomable reason!! My only solace is that he is a classic horror director and his ugly purpose may only have been to terrify the people like me.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Hideous Tin

"Hey, I took these for you my first trip to NYC, back in May." A., NY

They must use that pattern on perishables to keep bugs at bay. I prefer apple cider vinegar and citronella.

New York Band-Aid Jacket

"Hey, I took these for you my first trip to NYC, back in May." A., NY

That's right. Follow these people. For blocks. Take photos of them and make them feel ashamed! She looks like she is wearing a jacket made out of band-aids.

Joan Crawford Misery

"This lady may even have had Houndstooth stocking on. The trauma of her presence emptied Oak Street. She is either an agent of Cthulu or Joan Crawford. Her power is likely to multiply her hat into a vast houndstooth fog that envelopes its victims. Psychic madness!" - Sent in by Nate Dog, Vancouver, Canada

I love the grim, drab Vancouver greyness of the photograph. Really captures the suffering my heart feels when I have to witness such a hideous houndstooth outfit. It's like she's hiding beneath a skin of ugly monochrome scales. I think Edward Hopper might have painted this before burning it and moving on to the more playful Nighthawks.