Monday, June 29, 2009

Giraffe, Chicken, Houndstooth

The Pleasure Seekers came across hideous wall 'art' at the popular The Nines Hotel in Portland. A framed houndstooth pattern. Seems to me the dregs of effort to put something so cerebrally vacant on your wall and it looks like Giraffe and Chicken agree. But how does cat feel about it?

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Morrissey Bar = Houndstooth Nightmare

I've always been a big fan of the Morrissey bar on Vancouver's Granville strip. It's one of the few standards in Vancouver where you are guaranteed good britpop and post-punk tracks and a clean pint of yummy Guinness. I figure I've spent enough time in there over the years to earn the right to poltergeist the place after I die. I'm going to be the residual psychokinetic manifestation that makes the Strongbow go flat - no matter how fresh it is.

Recently the Morrissey has done some redecorating by adding houndstooth to the booths. This mistake will cost them in clean-up fees. Take it from me... at about 4 pints in and that houndstooth shit undulates like a carpet of maggots. M & J sent me this photo of an innocent victim of this houndstooth nausea. I've gone through great lengths to hide the victim's identity so as not to have her castigated next time she visits the otherwise reasonably cool bar. Shame on you Morrissey! Shame on you for adding to the houndstooth nightmare that is my life and leaving me with nothing but painful memories of what once was. From now on I drink my Guinness from a can. Or at the Irish Heather.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Houndstooth Soup

I bought a few meters of houndstooth wool in Toronto and I carry around cuttings from it to mop up crap, like spilled hot & sour soup. That's how much I hate houndstooth. Y'all watch I don't use cuttings from that houndstooth dress you are thinking of buying.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Humans are Random Houndstooth Generators

P. Doyle's sheer madness. A programmed random houndstooth generator!!! Why is it that this pattern intrigues artists and designers to such an extent that they feel the need to produce such a massive abundance of variations on a theme. Please tell me what is so compelling about this crappy pattern that has made it so pervasive! There has to be some cosmic depth to it that I'm just not reading.

Jessica Childers uses it in the background of one of her "Critical Introspection" portraits. The artist's statement: "I hope to create paintings that communicate to the viewer a sense of frustration, anxiety, and discomfort, but almost on a subconscious level." She's certainly successful.

And the random generator births another new wave of houndstooth courtesy of St. John. The barbarian invasion continues.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Gwen Stefani's Houndstooth Transgressions

Over at Influence and Stardoll they have gone through great trouble to highlight some of Gwen Stefani's wicked fashion history. Unfortunately, the girl has been an avid houndstooth supporter for some time. And not only that... she still believes! The July cover of Elle has her in a viciously standard houndstooth jacket. This is 2009 for God's sake! I just hope she's held accountable for all the violence and blood and rioting.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Valentino Vomit Sack

Amanda Mull over at The Purse Blog is right on! to target this Valentino vomit sack for a beating. And it is not only the houndstooth I'm worried about here. The bag looks like a filled diaper pinched with a massive PVC binder clip. It looks like something you'd find bursting with bloody gauze, tumors, and cataracts in the dumpster of a veterinarian clinic. And that would be too good for it!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

New Balance Houndstooth

You can always trust to bring you the latest in Nike porn - but be warned - that can sometimes include hideous design missteps. Take these New Balance monsters for example. You wear these and people are going to snicker and stare at your feet like you are trailing toilet paper. With all that padding they look like they are standard issue for storm troopers or bomb disposal experts. Fold downs are huge right now... but on basketball players?! Another Edition, the japanese design firm responsible for these athletic Uuuuggs, has a lot to answer for.

Houndstooth Bondage Tape

Fortis has quite a selection of patterned duct tape to chose from, including paisley, wicker, and wood grain. "Perfect for repairing clothes, making wallets, decorating shelving, fixing drumsticks, and thousands of other uses." The houndstooth version above looks like bondage tape for the fashionably uninspired.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Clowns on the Course

So Yoked has been tracking 'Long John' Daly's recent clown outfits. As if the guy's antics weren't colourful enough. His wacky pants are the unfortunate excretions of Loudmouth Golf, a team of designers with an ambitious agenda for ressurecting the retro golf stylings of the poly-yesteryears. Their label carries a wide variety of eccentric costumes for the course including these black and white pants modelled by Alice 'No More Mister Cool Guy' Cooper. Raise your fist and vomit.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Houndstooth in Nature

Walking along Chesterman beach while on a surf trip in Tofino I noticed a pattern in the sand caused by the intersecting lips of receding waves. Horrified I watched as mother nature's brush streaked swatches of houndstooth across the entire shoreline. At first I though I was being ridiculous and had just gone to extremes with my houndstooth prejudice. But now I have found other comrades who see the noxious pattern appearing in nature. Miranda and Dan spotted this beach phenomenon and photographed it for the blog A Bonnetful of Bees.

And meanwhile Alex MacLean has chased houndstooth from the sky in-between writing books on landscape and architecture.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Gordon Magnin's Houndstooth Slasher

A little houndstooth number from Gordon Magnin's online portfolio. Wicked razor collages that look like the work of some demented stalker from an early Argento slasher. I hear a soundtrack of discordant lullaby melodies sung by creepy dolls with shattered faces... La La La... as the leather gloved hand of the monstrous tormentor cleaves another houndstooth shape from the flesh of an innocent italian ballerina who just happened to stumble upon a coven of witches and alchemists in a derelict graveyard on the outskirts of rome.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Aloha Houndstooth

Finally! It's sooo nice to see houndstooth discounted. Sears couldn't give this Mexx T-shirt with its Q-bert houndstooth away. Means the trend is almost dead. Hopefully, forever. And below Tom Cruise raises a glass in a parting gesture while wearing a very Hawaiian riff on houndstooth in that horrible movie COCKTAIL. Aloha houndstooth. Aloha!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Uggs Rhymes With Thugs, Slugs, Bugs

Ben over at safely calls them "fashion's Marmite". These things you either love or hate. To me they look like tremendous swelling of the calves and I'm confused why they are still ever-present. I understand they serve a practical, insulating purpose for a Mongol herdsman or a World War II bombardier sailing across freezing skies in a non-pressurized cabin - but how they end up at the base of a long set of beautiful bare legs dancing in a Manhattan club is bizarre to me. Let's ask this lady as she obviously has a grasp on 21st century trends.