Houndstooth Nails Part II

A significant majority of the individuals who happen upon my blog do so while researching the words "houndstooth nails" in search engines. As a man this typically female obsession with coloring and patterning your nails seems alien and exotic. Terms like 'stamping', 'polymerization' and 'proximal nail fold', terms that I'm sure are standard in a girl's nail beautifying lexicon, only add to the acute mystery of these ancient female finger rites.

I thought I'd conduct some online research myself and I've come across a few fascinating methods for achieving the houndstooth nail. Obviously the skilled draftsman can painstakingly hand paint the pattern with duotone polish but most sane people would prefer a nail art stamping kit such as the ones made by Konad or Minx which Asami over at My Manicure and Siobhan over at The Nail Phile demonstrate to great effect.


Alternatively you can buy preconfigured houndstooth artificial nails like these japanese style versions at www.ayamisnail.com.



And here is a youtube tutorial on painting your own houndstooth.

And then maybe, just maybe, one day you may even surpass Lee Redmond as the title holder of the world's sexiest nails.


It's a slippery slope. And don't say I didn't warn ya.

Hayden Panettiere in Houndstooth

Back in January justjared.com nabbed pics of Hayden Panattiere catching a flight out from Washington D.C. in full on cookies-and-cream houndstooth. I'm not going to knock her for the fashion blunder because she's good to the dolphins and that gives her every right to wear a jacket shaped like a diving bell. Eeeeeep! Someone contact the anti-dolphin league!!!

Houndstooth Car

Over the years, as the tide of houndstooth's popularity swells and ebbs, many designers exploit it for a variety of disturbing applications. You can actually find houndstooth as factory standards in early Camaros and BMW interiors and the misguided tradition continues with the Korean manufacturer Kia. Introducing the 2010 Kia Soul. Options include houndstooth body graphics and houndstooth cloth seats. Puke.

Houndstooth Massacre

Stephen Walker's online portfolio includes 40 million pixels of houndstooth in "A study in scale and pattern" of which the above is only a tiny fragment. It looks like he took a betsy johnson sweater, dragged it through tar sands, and then shredded it with a machete. That's just a guess based on what I would do with a houndstooth sweater. Who loves ya baby?

Houndstooth to the Dogs

Interesting houndstooth item on display at the Pennsylvania Guild of Craftsmen's "Thread Count" exhibit. From an article by Clausia W. Esbenshade on the Lancaster Online:

One of the more unusual pieces in the exhibit may require a second glance. The beige and chocolate woven scarf created by Amy Turner of Doylestown uses spun hair from Bernese mountain dogs and Golden Retrievers. The classic houndstooth twill woven scarf, appropriately named "Paws for Consideration," is the result of many hours of work and measures about 75 inches in length. "(The hair is) the undercoat of the dog, so the softness is amazing," Turner said. "I do clean it with some lemon juice to eliminate any doggie smell."

She could also try bleaching it.

Lagerfeld's Folly

The Kaiser's Fitting Room Follies offers a brief glimpse of Lara Stone in houndstooth. The Chanel art-house promo reminds me of some of Warhol's messier ramblings with film and is shockingly unsexy for a fitting room romp. Alas, I still love everything he does. Especially the way DJ Karl says "squeeeeeze" on K109 in GTAIV and the way he clutches his collar in the pseudo warhol screentest by Jeremy Kost. If only he'd speak out about houndstooth as agressively as he spoke out about weighty milanese.

The Trouble With Barbie

I've jumped 100% behind Lincoln County's Democratic Delegate Jeff Eldridge's proposed bill to ban Barbie in West Virginia. Damn right to his statement that "such toys influence girls to place too much importance on physical beauty, at the expense of their intellectual and emotional development". But that's not really what sold me on it. It's this latest Barbie birthday campaign where stores like the Bay in Toronto have devoted entire sections of their women's clothing floor to human sized dresses and t-shirts poxed in houndstooth and Barbie logos. And to make matters worse, these little boutique areas are all wallpapered in stylish houndstooth mutations fashioned from silhouettes of high heels and cameo profiles. And Jeff, good luck fighting the toy lobby groups which basically run America. You and I both know it's as hopeless as me convincing the Color Association to eliminate all forms of duotone forecasts.

The only good thing to come out of the recent Barbie hype is Gareth Pugh's Ken doll which you can read more about on Steve and EJ's Style Salvage blog.

Second Life Houndstooth

The houndstooth virus went digital some time ago as these images of Second Life avatars, culled from the husk of the dead blog SLfashionSOS, reveal. Do people actually obsess about houndstooth enough to perpetuate it in their online lives?! Go figure. Ooooooops!

Houndstooth Cartoon

Cartoonstock.com had this cartoon which I think sums me up perfectly, n'est-ce pas?

Paris Hilton Houndstooth

Another dolly dressed in houndstooth. Paris Hilton, circa 2007.

Houndstooth Dolly

I've always had an aversion to creepy looking dolls of the 'vacant expression' variety. But now that you can visit Squeaky Monkey and clothe your Blythe dolly in houndstooth I'm more prone to laughter. All the creepiness is drowned out by the all too desperate trendiness in Danzig's little emo orphan here. It's time for her “ningyo kuyo”.

Condi versus Michelle Obama Houndstooth Face-Off

The above images are from the houndstooth section of a rather thorough and exhausting Michelle Obama vs. Condi fashion face-off compiled by The Black Snob. With Peter MacKay at Condi's side it is obvious houndstooth has infiltrated Canadian politics as well. Fellow countrymen, be on your guard.

Houndstooth Murse

Came across this animal skin pouch at menswear boutique Roden Gray in Gastown. How awkward tipping from your little man purse at the gentleman's club. Although... this high fashion pelt is the perfect thing to tuck your dirty money into as any thief is going to be way too embarrassed to be caught holding it. Otherwise, some nice clothes in that store.

Dead Dog Houndstooth Bag

Fuzzy Nation's Boston Houndstooth Bag. Send this one to the pound.

Houndstooth London

London was drowning in black and white duotone madness. Everyone was sporting houndstooth jackets, sweaters, umbrellas, socks. Houndstooth was even the focus of the Jaeger window displays.


And feeling left out, Burberry has been pushing a black and white duotone version of their check which in their window displays just looks like a desperate attempt to fit in.

Houndstooth Nails

J sent me this link. Asami's got some smokin' nails. I love heavily detailed nails. I'd rather see paisley on these fingers though. The black and white reminds me of men's ties or women's broaches with piano key patterns. I can't stand jewellery or ties with piano keys or musical notes. Drives me crazy!! Anyway, I think I'm going to do my nails tonight. Something like these. I spotted them on Half and Half's blog.


More houndstooth nails on Houndstooth Nails Part II

Sienna Miller's Charlie Brown Fetish

Sienna Miller is getting thrashed for this fashion blunder at ShoWest but I'm actually on the fence as to whether it really even constitutes houndstooth. Sky's showbiz site is calling the fiasco "Si's Houndstooth Horror" but I gotta say that it is soooo eccentric I'm gonna let it slide. Yes it is horrible, yes she looks like an aquarium fish with a Charlie Brown sweater fetish, or a feathered reject from a Star Trek episode, but only bold experiments drive fashion forward. At least she isn't wearing some boringly traditional white and black houndstooth garb. She's making a stand in those hot zippered heels.

Houndstooth Textile

My uncomfortable conversation at the London Textile Company...

Me: Hi, do you sell houndstooth?

Him: Yes, we sell houndstooth. What kind?

Me: Just wondering if you sell more houndstooth now than a few years ago.

Him: No. Same amount. Very popular. Why?

Me: I hate it. Can I buy a square foot of it?

Him: We sell by the meter.

Me: Can I buy a meter?

Him: No. We don't sell just a meter. You need more to make a jacket.

Me: Oh, I'm not making a jacket.

Him: What are you making?

Me: Never you mind! Never you mind!

Houndstooth Serviette

There's not much to say in this post. Basically I found an incredibly bizarre set of serviettes with a chicken and houndstooth pattern at Munich airport, went to Munich's Temple Bar in Kultfabrik, and made people hold it while I took photos of them. Although these people are smiling in the photos I'm not sure they were totally happy about posing for the stranger with the chicken serviette. Especially the couple I trapped in the washroom. I kept pointing out to them that it was a serviette with a chicken and two houndstooth patterns and I'd laugh and laugh and point at the serviette again and again but they didn't seem to get the joke. It's all in good fun though, right? The guy with the 'almost mullet' had a wicked jacket on. I tried to do a trade for the serviette but he quite rightly refused.

Fashion for Dogs

See if you can spot the difference between these two photos. I can't.

Top outfit available at SpoilUrPets. But if you really love your dog you'll buy it something from Alexander McQueen. Although the animal could end up looking like his charity work for the Great Ormond Street Hospital Alive and Well project.

Comparisons Involving Houndstooth

This is a frame from Antonioni's L'Avventura and the character of the man here really reminds me of myself when I have my houndstooth tantrums. Although... I don't have a yacht on the Mediterranean of course. The best is the woman is all hideously offended because she just made the comparison of the surface of the sea to oil and that was his response to her.

"I don't know why, but I hate houndstooth!".

The Hahnentrittmuster Man

Quebec City has Bonhomme:



London has the Pearly King and Queen:



Munich has the Hahnentrittmuster Man:


The Hahnentrittmuster Man, or Houndstooth Man, roams around Munich's party and bar scene (I found him in the Kultfabrik) making sure everyone has a hellus or dunkel in their hand and is having a good time. His friendly personality lightens the hearts of all partygoers and his houndstooth costume keeps the evening jovial and eccentric. At the end of the night a strange bavarian ceremony takes place where attendees gather to burn effigies of the Hahnentrittmuster Man to ward off evil spirits and hangovers. Bakery shops also sell little cakes made of marzipan and sausage cut into the shape of the Hahnentrittmuster Man. Children take these to school in their lunch buckets but hardly ever eat them.

Houndstooth and Gators

Beyonce needs guardian reptiles to protect herself from the hoardes of angry G20 protesters who demand an end to the criminal pattern.

Actually, this may just be a check pattern. Lord knows I've tried zooming in on this picture again and again but it pixelates way too early. Anyways, it is duotone nonsense.